It's “Collect and Connect” in the ROC, right? Well, please bear with me.
My last weeks have been very hard, and I just wanted to share and hope that a few comments pop up as this is not supposed to only be a new blog entry, but also a share of my mind.
I am single again and the last few weeks were the process of the break up…slowly, yet surely. I won´t dive too deep into the topic, but pretty much everybody here knows me…so feel invited to hit me up, and I’ll tell you the story.
Today I want to talk about the hard times in the hobby. The times where it doesn't help because you are too occupied by the giant claw around your heart which is sucking all the joy out of everything. I wonder, am alone in this? Am I alone with this feeling that not even plastic crack helps in ANY way, shape, or form??
I stopped watching the podcasts for a while, I didn´t tend to my new Voltron, I had no energy to do new reviews or photoshoots. I didn´t look at Power Baser nor did I think about finally posting my photos. The only thing I was able to do was to sit on my couch in my collection room and have a pretty blank stare into my TV, trying to rhyme together the plot of “Altered Carbon” on Netflix.
That was 2 weeks ago…
Last Monday (meaning February 12th and yes…my valentine´s day was hell), I went down the drain terminally. I grabbed a travel bag, yelled at my ex-girlfriend, and my father picked me up. I left everything behind…I only grabbed a few movies.
I didn´t even think about it. After a few days, there was the need to return. My cat hadn´t seen me in days (she needed cat food), and I wanted to see my stuff. I entered our apartment…both cats came running at me and I felt it all crashing before my eyes. The life I knew was gone. Soon there would only be one cat. Soon she would be gone and with her…our memories, everything that we planned, everything we were, and everything we wanted to be. Tears streamed down my face as I stroked both cats gently. I needed to get out. I couldn´t handle it.
That´s what the next days were…I stayed at my father’s…had no contact with my ex-girlfriend and didn´t have my stuff. I felt numb, lost, and betrayed. I thought about ordering FAAAAAANS TOOOOOOYS Sovereign (yes, I´m better while I´m writing this. If you bear with me, you´ll understand), but I opted out. Not consciously…I just lost the thought.
Another fast forward to Saturday: I went to meet a good friend that returned to my side a few months ago and we went to see Black Panther…tipsy-toeing back into the stuff that I loved. 134min of silence for my mind and heart.
Afterwards, we went to our main-stay-bar called the “Yesterday.” There I was struck and here is where my caption continues:
“…It´s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”
A girl was sitting at the bar and won´t tell you anything specific as it is too fresh, but she helped me. She is beautiful, fresh, smart, outgoing, and put the biggest band-aid on me. 4 hours later I’m walking home smiling, and I even had the chance to talk to my ex-girlfriend yesterday (Monday, February 19th, 2018). We parted amicably and she will leave our place March 16th…and I have plans (new shelf life is coming then).
And today (February 20th 2018), I will see the girl from Saturday again…that helped me get my head back on straight, enjoy everything, and it´s not that she defines me again. I need to never let myself be defined by another person, there´s only one life and you need to get out of the swamp by yourself, but sometimes…there is someone that helps to get you back into the swing of things. I can concentrate again on work, friends, hobbies, and I don´t have the claw around my heart and I can just look at the sun and think: I am me. I define myself and even if a few people have advised me not to rush things, it feels so good. Plastic crack is back in my life (active Hulkbuster hunt currently) and how everything feels…I´m back to being me and ready for new things, and with this, I’ll let Fred Durst tell the rest:
“But what do you think?
We could give it a try
'Cause you never know.
Maybe we could be soul mates
But maybe not,
But maybe so.
If you never try
Then you'll never know
The grass could be greener (could be)
And it will always be greener on the other side
But you…just never know.
This could be the one!”
Thx for bearing with me, talk soon and never forget:
KEEP. MOVING. FORWARD.
- Tim Kay